You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
