i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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