i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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