I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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