I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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