I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
