Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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