I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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