Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
