I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
