my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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