Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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