my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
