my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
