Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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