i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no, he came in my armpit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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