Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
