you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Congratulations! We have a period
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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