dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
