don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
