i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this boner is exhausting
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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