Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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