Jerry, you need to find god
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
