Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
