These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
