YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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