when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
