At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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