Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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