ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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