You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
