never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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