hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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