I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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