On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
