Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
