Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
