I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
