Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
