Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she smelled like a LAN party
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
