Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
