i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
