Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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