If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
