Dual....:-)
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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