I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize