My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
