weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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