This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
