So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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