is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
