Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
