I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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