You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
