First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
