Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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