Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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