capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
