I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
