Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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