who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
