Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont even know how to be here
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
