I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
