He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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