watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
