they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
