well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
