I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
