so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
