I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I want to be your penis for a week.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
