Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
